- 30-second episode preview (AVI, 2Mb)
- Keiko, Picard, Guinan and Ro are transported just in time.

Synopsis:

A bizarre molecular mishap throws the ship into turmoil when Picard and three other staff members are turned into children.

En route back from vacation, Picard, Ensign Ro, Keiko and Guinan run into danger aboard their shuttlecraft. O'Brien manages to transport the group onto the U.S.S. Enterprise, but a molecular mishap brings them back as12-year-old children. Beverly examines the group and finds that while their bodies have changed, their minds remain intact. However, when young Picard attempts to resume his command and lead his crew as though nothing has happened, his staff has trouble taking him seriously. Because of this, Beverly gently convinces him to temporarily relinquish command to Riker.

Later, Geordi tells Beverly that the transformed crewmembers were affected by a molecular reversion field, and that the transporter can be used to reverse the effects and bring the group back to normal. But before they can begin the process, the ship is attacked without warning by two Klingon warships.

The crew attempts to retaliate, but the enemy ships manage to take out the Enterprise's power systems. Suddenly, Worf picks up transporter signatures in three cargo bays. As the crew prepares to defend the ship against the invaders, two Ferengi materialize on the Bridge. Their leader, Lurin, arrives and informs Riker and the others that he has declared the Enterprise to be a loss and is beginning salvage operations according to Ferengi law. If the crew refuses to comply, they will be executed.

Young Guinan points out to young Picard and the transformed crew members their unusual appearance gives them a chance to put plans into motion without the Ferengis' knowledge. Using the computer in the schoolroom, they obtain a diagram of the ship's inner workings and use it to sneak around and collect phasers and other small weapons. Guinan and Ro crawl through a Jeffries Tube to wait to try out their plan near Main Engineering. The only problem remaining is the need to obtain access to the Bridge.

To accomplish this, young Picard throws a tantrum and forces a Ferengi to take him to Riker in the Observation Lounge, pretending that Riker is his father. During their conversation, the young captain subtly communicates to Riker to grant him systems access through the school computer. Unfortunately, the Ferengi are also demanding access to the computer, and threaten to kill all the children on board if Riker falls to comply. The children manage to capture all of them with the "weapons" they have stolen, and when the action subsides, Beverly and O'Brien use the transporter to restore the group to their adult states. 

Timothy Lynch's Star Trek: The Next Generation Episode Reviews

WARNING: The following post contains spoilers for this week's TNG episode, 
"Rascals". Those not wishing to be exposed to the little rapscallions should 
probably hold off for now.

On the one hand, those kids could actually *act*. On the other...whose idea 
was this?

In other words, as a first approximation we're talking decent characters, and 
no plot whatsoever worth speaking of. More details (many more) after a 
synopsis:

Picard, Ro, Guinan, and Keiko are hurrying back from shore leave in a 
shuttlecraft to the Enterprise, which must answer a far-off distress signal. 
However, the shuttle is enveloped by a strange energy field, and while the 
four survive an emergency transport back to the Enterprise, they suddenly 
have the physical appearance and abilities of twelve-year-olds, although they 
are normal mentally.

While a very relaxed and playful Guinan attempts to convince Ro that their 
plight is not an unmitigated disaster, Picard attempts to resume command of 
the Enterprise as though nothing had happened. He quickly finds, however, 
that the reactions of those around him greatly reduce his ability to command, 
and on Beverly's suggestion hands command to Riker for the nonce. At the 
same time, Keiko has perhaps the most difficult time of all, having to help 
her husband and daughter deal with her changed circumstances.

Shortly after Picard considers his future options in the event that a cure is 
impossible, Beverly and Geordi deduce what has occurred. The field was a 
"molecular reversion field", which made the shuttle begin to deteriorate, and 
began to do the same to the crew, masking certain key genetic sequences from 
the transporter. Theoretically, then, sending them back through the 
transporter with the adult-level sequences included should cure them. 
However, that line of thought is temporarily put on hold when the Enterprise 
reaches orbit around Ligo 7, source of the distress signal.

They find no evidence of planetary distress, however; only interference. 
They prepare to investigate, when suddenly two Klingon birds of prey decloak 
and begin firing. They catch the Enterprise flatfooted, and the Enterprise 
is subdued without firing more than one shot. The boarders, independent 
Ferengi privateers in search of slave labor for mining down below, assume 
control of the ship in short order, although not before Riker orders computer 
command functions disabled. 

Picard and the other children, meanwhile, are left on board in a classroom, 
thought to be harmless. They quickly work to lend what assistance they can, 
with Guinan and Ro moving down a service corridor to Engineering, Alexander 
luring a Ferengi out of the medical lab long enough to grab a couple of 
hyposprays, and Picard and Keiko using Alexander's remote-controlled car to 
sucker a Ferengi out of the transporter room, leaving them time to program 
the transporter and get some phasers.

With everything in place, all they need is to gain access to the command 
functions; and to do that, they need Riker to understand what's happening. 
Picard throws a tantrum at a nearby Ferengi, demanding to see Riker, his 
"father". The meeting goes well; although both speak in code, Riker appears 
to understand what they need. However, matters are complicated when DaiMon 
Lurin threatens Riker with the deaths of all the children unless he 
reactivated the computer and instructs Morta, another Ferengi, in its use.

Riker relents, but makes up explanations as he goes, confusing Morta. At the 
same time, he secretly gives Picard access to the command functions. The 
children move fast, slapping Ferengi right and left with communicators. The 
Ferengi, once "tagged", are beamed onto a transporter platform surrounded by 
a force field, and with their weapons deactivated. In short order, all but 
the two on the bridge are dealt with; and those two prove no difficulty for 
Picard and Riker to subdue themselves. With the crisis resolved, the 
children return to normal.

There we are; easy enough, right? Now, as usual, on with the show.

As in "Man of the People", I have to say that this was better than I'd been 
expecting from the preview, and I can give you three big reasons: David 
Tristan Birkin, Isis Jones, and Megan Parlen. These three played the young 
Picard, Guinan, and Ro respectively, and all three were effective enough in 
their roles to make the show far more amusing and bearable than the plot 
would otherwise have allowed.

Birkin, almost surprisingly, might have been the weakest of those three, 
though I suspect that's because he's being compared to Stewart in my mind 
rather than to Whoopi Goldberg or Michelle Forbes. However, I was impressed 
with his work back when he played Rene Picard in "Family", and the two 
intervening years have been kind. I found bits of his performance difficult 
to take seriously as Picard, but that was the *point*; even Picard himself 
acknowledges that he simply isn't particularly believable as a 
twelve-year-old captain. Birkin did, however, have no difficulty voicing 
points I could easily hear coming from an adult Picard, and that's the key 
issue. 

Probably the biggest example of that would have to be during the Picard/Troi 
exchange in his quarters. Several of the lines he gave struck me as 
particularly Picardlike, including his opening riposte ("I'll have to speak 
to my tailor, but otherwise I'm well, thank you") and his initial reaction to 
what he could do at the Academy in a return trip: "and be Wesley Crusher's 
roommmate." I felt a real tinge of "no, definitely not an option" there, and 
I *like* Wes; I can only imagine how the Wes-loathing contingent felt about 
that. :-)

Both Jones and Parlen were very believable as their adult counterparts as 
well, especially Megan Parlen as a young Ro. It probably helps that Ro's 
sardonic edge is something familiar to most 12-year-olds, but even so she did 
a marvelous job. I quite honestly felt that these *were* the characters 
stuck in smaller bodies, rather than kids playing dress-up at home, which is 
what I'd been dreading. Sure, there were difficulties here and there; for 
one, I think the bed-bouncing scene ran too long by at least a minute. 
But for the most part, these two played off each other very well, and proved 
that TNG can definitely get good young actors when it really tries. (How 
Brian Bonsall fits into this picture is, unfortunately, something I've yet 
to fathom.)

Then, unfortunately, we get into the plot setting up all this and running 
through it; and here I'm far less impressed. I don't ask for too much from a 
plot most of the time, as long as the characterization is sound. But when 
I'm crying my disbelief to the screen every couple of minutes, that's gone 
too far. Let's take a chronological list:

--Point the first: there is no way anyone could *ever* convince me that a 
short leave party would just happen to have Picard, Ro, Keiko, and Guinan on 
it, with no one else. So far as we knew before this, Guinan never leaves the 
ship; and Keiko has a husband and very young child. I thought to myself 
before the show started that they'd need to justify the particular set of 
transformations they chose; and I don't buy their justification one bit.

--As a more general point, I find it hard to swallow that an energy field 
appears out of nowhere *just* when the shuttle is in it, yet has no 
connection to the reason the shuttle's in a hurry. A few coincidences here 
and there are okay, but this one's tough to take.

--Little Cliche (aka "Molly") O'Brien is *not* that old, period. "Disaster" 
was just over a season ago, thus she should be at the tender age of one. I 
had the same complaint about Alexander, but at least with him there was the 
vague possibility of claiming Klingons age differently. Molly is _fully 
human_.

--"Let's make the crew look like idiots, part one": since we already know 
transporter traces were available for these guys (except maybe Guinan), and 
since we already know genetic damage can be fixed by the magic of 
teleportation, I think Bev should have realized the solution about thirty 
seconds after the problem was pointed out; and I know I did. 

--An energy field which turns shuttle hulls into styrofoam (virtually) 
happens to affect humans *and* plants in such a way as to de-age them? This 
deterioration starts by taking away only those genetic sequences which 
control physical maturity, in several species at once (plants, humans, 
Bajorans, and Guinan's race)? I don't think so.

--"Let's make the crew look like idiots, part two": Let's see, the 
Enterprise breaks orbit and prepares to return fire. Next thing we know, 
they *still* haven't fired and have been on the receiving end of several more 
shots. Sheer tactical wizardry, clearly. (I also find it highly unlikely 
that two old Klingon ships, even souped-up, could take on a fully powered and 
fully armed Fed flagship.)

--"Let's make the crew look like idiots, part three": I can believe Worf 
being blindsided by Admiral Quinn four and a half seasons ago. I can believe 
Worf losing many of the battles he's lost in the past. I can believe Worf 
being helpless against a Borg invading the bridge. But Worf getting off the 
first shot on a *Ferengi*, of all species, and _still_ getting beaten? Not 
unless one makes a deliberate effort to call Worf incompetent; and that's a 
charge I don't enjoy.

That's it for things I outright couldn't believe, but unfortunately that's 
only half the problem. Much of the "children's revenge" I could swallow as 
perhaps realistic (though only because the villains were the Ferengi; only 
the Pakleds would make easier targets :-) ), but I kept asking myself *why* 
any of this was being shown. Who, precisely, was this show designed to 
appeal to?

That includes Picard's method of getting to Riker. Yes, it made sense. Yes, 
Picard himself found it distasteful. That doesn't alter in the least the 
fact that *I* felt absolutely no reason to watch it, and indeed was ready to 
switch away if it had gone on too longer. Having the goal of making the 
viewers wince is, in general, a very *bad* idea unless it's for a short time 
and for a very good reason. This seemed neither.

What it comes down to is that, at the end, I felt like quoting the 
now-cliched refrain from countless old afternoon cartoons: "I'd have done 
it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids." That may be fine for 
"Scooby-Doo", but I'd like to think that TNG strives for a somewhat higher 
standard.

As one might imagine, a plot like this lent itself to lots of MST3K-style 
taunting (as, strangely enough, have most of the plots this season). Highest 
on the agenda, since we *did* watch it early in the week before Election Day, 
were lots of Perot/Ferengi jokes. "Daimon Ross!" was heard quite often. :-)
Points also were made about certain legal issues surrounding Keiko and Miles, 
but I think I'll just leave them unspoken; I'm sure you can figure them out.

However, the show itself had a few other snappy (or otherwise clever) 
bits of dialogue. Although most of them came from Ro, there's one set of 
lines which I'm sure was definite, and which had us reacting quite strongly. 
Consider: Picard's trying to get help from the kids' computer, and not 
getting anywhere. He asks for a schematic, and...

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that."

Now *that* would be frightening enough, given the cinematic precedent. But 
then, it's followed by:

"Would you like to play a game?"

I think HAL and Joshua need to get together and sue for breach of copyright. 
;-) At any rate, I was amused.

One last bit, this one on direction. Adam Nimoy doesn't seem to have his 
father's talent, but he did a good enough job. With only one or two small 
exceptions, the show seemed paced pretty well; and there were several 
opportunities where he played with camera angles to good effect. (Two 
examples would have to be the Riker/Picard scene in the turbolift and 
Guinan's/Ro's trip down the ladder to engineering.) Not bad; not bad at all. 
I just wish he'd had better material to work with.

At any rate, the show had definite moments, and was certainly better than I 
expected. But the biggest question running through my mind was "Why do 
this?", and I've yet to come across an answer.

So, the numbers:

Plot: 1. I don't think so.
Plot Handling: 8. Fairly snappy and well paced, though.
Characterization: 6. Above average for the three big stars, and the rest 
weren't too bad, although the Ferengi were unpleasant.

TOTAL: 5. I'm giving a lot more of those than I used to; it doesn't bode 
well.

NEXT WEEK:

The Wild West comes to the final frontier. 

Tim Lynch (Harvard-Westlake School, Science Dept.)
BITNET: tlynch@citjulie
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--
Copyright 1992, Timothy W. Lynch. All rights reserved, but feel free to ask...
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Related Links:

Where to Watch - Local channels and airtimes.
VHS, Laserdisc and DVD availability.

Cast:

Patrick Stewart as Jean-Luc Picard™
Jonathan Frakes as William Thomas Riker™
Brent Spiner as Data™
LeVar Burton as Geordi La Forge™
Michael Dorn as Worf™
Gates McFadden as Beverly Crusher™
Marina Sirtis as Deanna Troi™
Whoopi Goldberg as Guinan

Guest Cast:

Colm Meaney as O'Brien
Brian Bonsall as Alexander
Rosalind Chao as Keiko
Michelle Forbes as Ro Laren
Majel Barrett as Computer voice
David Tristan Birkin as Young Picard
Isis Jones as Young Guinan
Caroline Junko King as Young Keiko
Mike Gomez as Lurin
Tracey Walter as Berik
Michael Snyder as Morta
Megan Parlen as Young Ro
Morgan Nagler as Kid #1
Hana Hatae as Molly

Creative staff: